Room To Breathe

Being an insomniac provides me with time to think about a lot in the early hours. I often get told that I'm unusually young for introspective thought, but I don't consider it a bad thing mostly, but on occasions it does give me unhealthy time to be overly critical of myself.

Everyone always says that going to university will be the best experience of one's youth. Sadly, my experiences so far have not supported this.

I left London in mid-September to embark on the newest chapter of my life in a brand new city, Nottingham, and to study my favourite subject. I left with minimal expectations so as not to be underwhelmed or overwhelmed by my new surroundings and the paraphernalia that is associated with university.  My Freshers' Week was lovely - film nights, take away nights, cool club nights and general bonding with my flatmates. I loved my induction talks, and my lecturers.
 Sadly, it's now very nearly the end of the Autumn semester and I am looking for someone to take over my tenancy and am hoping to transfer to a university back home in London.

I have never been made to feel so uncomfortable and unwelcome. I'm used to girls being catty - admittedly I can be catty when I need to be and sarcastic when I want to be - but this is unlike anything I've ever seen before. The last time I was afraid of people, and didn't want to face up to real life was 5 years ago. The obvious thing to do would be to move flats. But if I move flats, there is no guarantee that things will be different - potentially worse because I would be a newcomer to an already established group, which brings about its own issues. I've been sworn at in words I've never been called before, had indirect tweets/insults made/said in front of me, and had my face destroyed on a photo.

But, this is where my insomnia has helped. I've had time to think about what I want and what I feel is best for me, my education and my health. I would not transfer if I did not believe that I was doing myself a disservice. When I go home again, I will have the support of my loving mother and sister, who will help me through my difficult days, laugh with me on my good days, and will help me with my education. I know I have their support here, but, right now, I am suffocating here in Nottingham and I need some room to breathe.